BCS - Bar Chick Shopping

It's almost New Year's Eve which means its the perfect time to do two things: watch college football and party.  It's eery the correlations that can be made between college football and a night out.  The majority of the following instances happen on a daily basis no matter if you are on campus in Boise, Austin, Madison, Knoxville, or Blacksburg or anywhere in between.

Pre-season polls-  Rankings that are issued prior to the season, that are supposed to be an indicator of who the strong teams are

College Life correlation-Judging a girls hotness from across the dance floor, not always a reliable indicator of how awesome she is. 

Style Points- Scoring and scoring a bunch to impress the voters and make yourself look that much better

College Life Correlation- Running up a crazy high bar tab with shots and girly drinks to make yourself look cool to that hottie

AQ vs Non-Aq- A team from one of the major conferences squaring off with one from one of the smaller ones

College Life Correlation- Greeks vs. GDIs. While the Frats control most of what happens on campus, every once in a while one of the Indys will pull a hottie that makes people go all Ron Simmons. “DAMN!”

Conference title games- Gives the winner a leg up in the race to the national title game, but not always needed.

College Life Correlation- “Pregaming”. Drinking at the house of the hottie or wherever she is to get your name out there more and present a strong front.

“Little sisters of the Poor”- the teams that get shut out of the BCS because of weak schedules or no name recognition 

College Life Correlation- Kids that stand on the eddge of the dance floor wishing they could be grinding at the Sugar Bowl instead of posting up on the side at the Insight Bowl

Senior Bowl- one last send off for the best seniors from across the country before they call it a career.

College Life Correlation- “Fourth Meal-“ one last send off for your friends before you call it a night

The wolrd of big time college football can almost seem like a comic book at times. Sometimes things happen and they can't really be explained, but the SEC is just downright strange.  The similarities and nuances of the SEC are eerily similar to that of one of the more popular comic book tales of all time, Batman.

Gotham City-the SEC. Gotham is seen as a city full of crime, grime and corruption. The SEC is seen as…a conference full of crime, grime, and corruption.

The Riddler-Houston Nutt. Former head coach at Ole Miss and Arkansas. Nutt has never been a bigtime coach, and how he seems to keep getting high profile head coaching jobs confuses almost everyone.

The Joker- Joker Phillips, head coach at Kentucky. Too easy

Mr. Freeze- Hugh Freeze, new head coach at Ole Miss. Once again, way too easy.

The Mad Hatter. Les Miles- head coach at LSU. Pretty self explanatory, but the head man on the bayou has a knack for pulling out the close games, despite some head-scratching playcalling from time to time.

Two Face.Nick Saban- head coach at Alabama. “I don’t know how much clearer I can say this, I will not be the next head coach at Alabama.” Forty-eight hours later, he is in Tuscaloosa being introduced as the new head elephant.

Batman. Mike Slive- SEC commissioner. Fans are not always sure of his motives, but it always seems that Slive stands up for the good of the conference.

Tweedledee and Tweedledum.The Petrino Brothers-Head coach and offensive coordinator at Arkansas. The two brothers begin the second stint in control of the Hogs, despite not being able to get past that pesky Saban and Miles.

The Penguin. Gene Chizik- head coach at Auburn. Chizik led the Tigers to the promised land in 2010, and had a few trick “umbrellas” along the way to get there.

Dr. Hugo Strange.Paul Finebaum. Nationally syndicated SEC radio show host. Finebaum uses his position, the serum,  to give his opinion and manipulate the minds of the SEC fans into becoming mindless brutes that kill trees and whatnot.

The Twelve Disciples of Tebow

Lots has been made recently about Tim Tebow and the fact that it seems like he just doesn't lose.  While many can argue about how his mechanincs make him an elite quarterback or not, one cannot dissagree that he has touched the lives of many around the world. Here are the 12 people who have not only been touched by the hand of Tebow, but also spread his message wherever they go:

 

Urban Meyer- One of the most devout followers of Tebow. Meyer worked hand-in-hand and side-by-side of the chosen one to deliver two national titles to Gainesville, the home of the Tebow-nites.

Cam Newton-  Tebow’s understudy for one year. Newton learned the nuances of the game from the wise one named Tim, but chose to lead a different orange and blue village to the promised land.

John Brantley- Tebow’s backup for two seasons. The young Brantley came to Florida to follow in the footsteps of The Great One, but has yet to capture the magic and bring the Tebow-nites another title.

Aaron Hernandez- One of Tebow’s favorite targets. Hernandez never strayed from the teachings of Tebow and was always close by to lend his teacher a helping hand.

Riley Cooper- Tebow’s roommate and best friend.  Besides being Tim’s closest confidant, Cooper also heavily contributed to the rise of the Nation of Gator.

Mike and Maurkice Pouncey- Offensive linemen during Tebow’s tenure. The Pouncey twins defended their leader to the bitter end, and kept him safe and sound throughout their title run

Brandon Spikes- Linebacker of the Gator defense. Spikes is the Judas Iscariot of the bunch. He was a faithful follower of Tebow while at Florida, but now that he is a member of the Patriots he looks forward to humbling the leader.

John Elway- VP of Football Operations for the Broncos. Once a great QB in the Mile High City, Elway now oversees the team, while Tebow attempts to lead his new followers to the NFL Promised Land.

Dan Mullen- Tebow’s offensive coordinator at Florida. Road the Great One’s success all the way to a head coaching job a Mississippi St., and is rumored to be in the mix for the Penn St job.

Percy Harvin- Playmaking athlete for Florida. When Tebow found the going tough, Harvin stepped in and bailed the Gators out. His speed and playmaking ability provided a changeup from Tebow’s rough and rugged running.

Skip Bayless- Co-host of ESPN’s “First and Ten.” Bayless is quick to sing the praises of Tebow at any time, and will defend the Bronco QB with his last breath, if needed.